Ahhhhh ! My first post… but totally not my first time blogging. I have been a blogger since 2004 when I used Xanga… I think most of us used Xanga back then. Of course, it was sold, it got complicated to use and I switched to WordPress. I’ve been here for a few years now and love it. I felt it was time to close down my old blog and start fresh as a “Mommy blogger” who writes about everything. Motherhood and raising my kids (two teenagers, a 7 year old and now a new baby on the way)…work, faith, love, adventures I go through as a mother, family and friends… writing my first book..you’ll read about all of it. I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth – even if it’s “not so great”. Here’s the thing. On my old blog I recently shut down, I wrote about positive things only. I wrote about good things that happened or went on in my life and tried to make it a motivation blog. I then figured, “Who the hell am I kidding? Let’s face reality! Your life isn’t rainbows, sunshine and lollipops. As great as that sounds, I deal with a whole load of things daily from everything I mentioned above, to life throwing some pretty crazy unexpected events at me. I decided instead of writing “Flowers and fun”, I wanted to write “Real and Reality”. Good and bad. Writing is my passion and it’s what I do in all situations, in all moods… it’s what helps me feel better when I’m upset or angry, it’s how I vent… it’s how I cope with certain issues, it’s what I love to do. Plus, some of things I may be going through and write about… may help other moms, dads or people in general who are going through the same things – know that they’re not alone. When I named my Blog “Sugarcoating not allowed”, that’s exactly what I meant. I’m not going to be here writing and making my life look like it’s rainbows and sunshine because it’s not. I’m going to tell it like it is… one day at a time, without sugarcoating anything. Without making anything look or sound better than it really is. No matter how crazy it may be. I don’t think anyone’s life is all rainbows and sunshine and I’m not afraid to put mine out there – and give some of you a good laugh, peace of mind to know there’s other parents or people out here like you, or – to just give you a good read. While I’ll always try to be motivational, positive and cheerful here… (I write with humor by the way.. even in the not so good situations), I’ll always be real. So I hope you all enjoy and tell your friends (other moms and dads, and everyone in general) about me. Trust me, no matter what you may be facing or going through, I’ve probably been there/done that.
So, let’s begin. Just for future reference… if I talk about anything… you’ll know what the hell I’m talking about if you’ve read below. Now, if you know me personally or you’ve been on my other blog before I shut it down, you already know most of this. If not, continue on.
I’m a divorced mom of 3. I was married for 13 years to a good man. He wasn’t all that bad. He and I just kind of fell apart. More me than him. He didn’t want the divorce. I felt we needed it because of the disagreements we were having, his family always being in our business and him not telling them to back down, and other issues that were going on. I think we both got married young, and didn’t really have a chance to explore or live before we had kids. But, I won’t ever sit here and bash him because despite a few things I still disagree with him about, he’s an alright dude. He is now engaged to Jess. His new fiance. She has 3 kids of her own so they’re kind of like the Brady bunch when my kids are over there are well. It’s pretty funny if you ask me. Oh – my ex husband’s name by the way is Frank. Any way, our 15 year old (Tiffanie) doesn’t see her dad or Jess often, nor does she talk to them. She’s going through a lot of her teen phase crap right now and I’m hoping that one day, she just snaps out of it and stops giving her dad and Jess hell. As of now though, she doesn’t like what’s going on, who her dad is with, and refuses to talk to either. I’ve told her about acceptance , how they’re getting married and how she needs to stop acting childish. I think eventually, something will give and she’ll be alright. Her and I have had many talks, and I always tell her no matter how she feels, she needs to respect her dad and his relationship. Our son Frankie Jr. sees his dad all the time. Our 7 year old lives with me and rarely sees her dad, but – when she does, she’s still happy and no matter how little he sees her, talks to her, etc. I always remind myself he’s still “dad” and still has rights. All 3 of my children are by Frank. Now, when Frank met the woman he’s with now, all hell broke loose. He and I stopped getting along for our kids, she and I were always at war, and things got pretty crazy. I tried getting along with her from the beginning and felt like she didn’t like me – from the beginning. However, long story short… after a year 1/2 or almost 2 years (lost count).. we finally recently sat down and had a heart to heart. Her, my ex husband and I. We finally cleared the air and put all our demons out there to send away and bring in our inner angels. LMAO… We called truce – we’re all now at peace and I pray it stays that way. My ex husband and her ex husband are almost like great buddies. She said she wishes her and I were the same way. I would love to be , and I think now it’s a matter of her and I building trust with each other. That being said, it’s funny because every time my phone rings and it’s her… my heart drops and I think to myself, “Oh no..what now?”…. and she recently told me she thinks the same thing when her phone rings and it’s me. I think once we build that trust and friendship, all that worrying will go away. Continue to join me as I try to keep the peace and make some kind of trust happen…grow some kind of bond with my ex husband’s new fiance – and one day – Wife.
As I mentioned, I have 3 kids. My oldest is Tiffanie. My middle is Frankie. My youngest is Kailani. There’s a new baby on the way as well. Baby number 4 that I recently found out about.
Tiffanie (15 years old) – Tiffanie is my Angel eyes. I have called her that since birth because when I had her, I looked into her pretty little eyes and she’s made me want to change my life in so many ways. Good ways. She’ll be 16 this year. She’s taking Drivers Ed. She’s working my nerves… she’s doing everything a teenager does! Tiffanie has played Varsity Basketball since 5th grade and her team mates nicknamed her “Lady Jordan” because of how amazing she is. She has a lot of talent and her main goal and dream is to get a Scholarship and go to Depaul for College. I told her I would help her any way I can, but right now…she’s not doing her part and it’s pissing me off. She’s always been pretty good with school. Good grades and all. She’s so smart and I know she can do whatever she puts her mind to. Recently, as she’s in her Sophomore year, I found out I can get text messages if she’s late for classes, or just doesn’t go. I’ve been getting so many messages almost every day saying she isn’t in class, or she was late. I would ask her about the texts, and she’d tell me she wasn’t in one class because she was making up tests in others. I believed her UNTIL I went to check myself. I went up to school last week and we sat down with her Dean of students and the Principal. All of her CUTS were printed out. Yes! My daughter has been cutting classes. You have NO IDEA the level of FURY I was feeling. Up until recently, she’s been great about going to classes and doing what she has to do. Before she was called down to meet with us, her Dean of students tells me he has a way of scaring his students if I’ll agree to let him. WILL I AGREE????? I’LL SIGN PAPERS!!! Scare the crap out of her…do what you have to do! He told me about Alternative schools and how bad some of them are. How bad some of the students are, and how NO KIDS seem to want to be sent to one. He planned to tell Tiffanie she has 2 weeks to straighten up..get her grades up in 3 classes she’s not doing so hot in, go to every single class daily, and be at school on time – or – she goes to the Alternative school, and I can’t stop it. I was fine with him telling her all that, but I wanted to take it one step further. I wanted to scare her further. So, when she came down… the conversation went something like this …
Mr. C: (her Dean) Why are you cutting some of your classes?
Her: I’m not cutting any classes.
Mr. C: Tiffanie come on… I’ve been doing this for 6 years now. I have all your cut dates and classes right here. (as he held up the paper)…and told her the classes she’s barely passing or not passing. (he kind of giggled as we both knew she was lying).
Tiff: Okay well….
Him: So here’s the thing. You know what an Alternative school is right? I’m sure you’ve heard some of your friends talking about it or some who actually went to one.
Tiff: Yes!
Him: I’m sure you don’t want to be sent to one right?
Tiff: No.
Him: Well, starting today…you have exactly 2 weeks to come to school on time, get your grades up , do any make up work you can, get some tutoring if you need it from your teachers and go to every single class daily or I’m going to start the process and if the courts get involved, or we send you to an Alternative school, that’s something you have no choice about. You have a choice now. Go to class, do your work, get here on time, do better… in 2 weeks if we look in on you again and you’ve cut classes, you’re still not doing well… you’re gone and your mom, you…your dad…can’t stop it. Whatever I decide…your mom, dad and the Principal are going to back me up.
Me: And … the Alternative school you’re going to be sent to is inside Juvenile Hall… you don’t come home or get out until you’re 18… they keep you there..locked up and the guards make sure you get up on time everyday and go to their school. Is that what you want?
(I was afraid the Principal or the Dean would say something but surprisingly ..both of them shook their heads in agreement and ran with it). Alternative school inside Juvenile Hall I think scared the crap out of her even if it’s not true…. she doesn’t know it’s not true but the fact that both the Dean and Principal didn’t correct me, I was thrilled and the same fact is what I think made her believe me. Woo Hoo!!!! I then asked for a sign in sheet to know that her teachers are signing something saying she’s there every day and her Dean held it up and already had it ready to go. She said she wasn’t taking it. The Principal asked her why not? She said she would be embarrassed. The Principal decided to not use it at the moment and to let Tiffanie give us a chance to trust her from that point on. However, he did suggest in school therapy… because she’s also hanging out with a group of kids that are not so good for her and I’ve tried over and over again to warn her about future consequences that could come out of it. We’ll get back to that in a moment. So, she refused the sign in sheet and was told she was going to do in school therapy. I told her I don’t want anymore texts saying she isn’t in classes or that she’s late. If so, she’s going to Alternative. That night, I get a text that she cut 10th… I asked if she was serious?!!!! Oh, I was ssssoooooo angry. She says she was with her Chemistry teacher.. which by the way, the Dean told me while I was there that YES – students can re – take tests… but they don’t re- test during class hours like my oldest tried telling me, so she’s been lying as well. I gave her one final warning and told her I don’t care what teacher she has to see… she is NOT to do it during other classes. I haven’t gotten any texts stating she’s been cutting since. I hope and pray that the whole Juvenile hall thing I said scared her enough to want to do right! That night on Facebook , she put a bunch of status messages about doing better, how she doesn’t know what she’s doing but she can’t continue messing up, and so forth. I was proud and told her she can do this..gave her words of encouragement and told her I have faith in her. I know how smart she is and that she can bring her grades up to where they once were and do what’s right! The only texts I’ve been getting now the last few days..has been her drama and her History classes telling me her grades have gone up a few points. Is she SCARED STRAIGHT??? I sure the hell hope so.
As for this hanging out with the wrong crowd, I just found out a few weeks ago from her dad that she was stopped by the cops in a group of students who are known gang members. She claims she didn’t know they were gang members, and I guess she was too scared to tell me about it. My daughter knows I’m tough. I don’t play!!!! Her dad… he’s more calm… he’s the type that will tell me about things that go on if he knows first and let me deal with because he doesn’t want to or have the patience to. I go off! I flip out on one of my kids if they act up, do something dumb or just don’t listen. So, when he told me about this incident… I flipped. I had a long talk with Tiffanie because I guess one of the girls in the group told my daughter to hold her book bag when the cops pulled up. I asked my daughter what she was thinking, and told her if the cops searched that bag, and found drugs or weapons, she would have been arrested. Not the girl who owns it. She told me she wasn’t thinking about that. OBVIOUSLY! Oh, I had a fit. I then told her a few of my own stories and experiences with friends that got me into trouble just because I was hanging out with them… I got arrested with them even though I wasn’t the one who did anything. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong people. Wrong friends. Wrong people I picked as friends. I told her that even if one person she’s hanging out with commits a crime, she’s going down as well for being there. I gave her advice about choosing her friends wisely and watching what she does. I pray she listens and I pray she really does get it together. Colleges start looking for possible recruits Junior year we were told.. I want her to get back into Basketball and try to get recruited. She’s too talented not to, and these next few months ..I’m going to push her little butt to do everything I know she can to get back on track. I’m going to be on her butt so much, she’s going to see me in her nightmares… lmao.
She text me the other day while she was at her grandmas house and told me she’s been thinking about it and she’ll take the sign in sheet and she did. As I said, I haven’t heard anything more about her cutting classes and she’s having all her teachers sign this sheet stating she’s been in their classes. She told me one day last week, that she walked into her English class (one of the classes she hates and has been cutting), and her teacher was shocked..asked her how it feels to be there and that she should do it more often..come to class. One of her classes, when she walked in – she said everyone started clapping. While I find it funny in some ways, I take it seriously as well and told her I’m not playing this game with her anymore. I think she knows better now and I really do think she’s going to try her hardest to get her butt back into shape – academically.
Frankie (13 years old) – My Blue Eyes. Seriously, he has the deepest, cutest Blue / Gray eyes you’ve ever seen. He’s tall, he’s handsome and girls adore him. Girls have been fighting over my Frankie since he was in 1st grade. I remember throwing him a birthday party one year, and having these two cute little girls Ashley and Suhailey fighting over whose boyfriend he was. It was pretty funny. Frankie is well liked by ladies. Frankie is very mature for his age, and doesn’t like problems or drama. That’s what I love about him. He does excellent in school and if he gets a bad grade on something, it bothers him for days and he always try to fix it. My Frankie is tough when he needs to be when it comes to protecting his family, or someone he loves and cares about, but he’s always very sensitive and can easily sympathize with others’ pain. Frankie will stick up for those being bullied, help those in need, and is just a big sweetheart. He recently took up Basketball and is looking into Football now. He’s got a soft spot in this heart for everyone around him. Frankie is a joker also. He loves making people laugh and you can guarantee a good time when you’re with Frankie. He’ll have you cracking up. Right now, all I have to say about my Frankie, is that he’s a great kid!
Kailani (7 years old) : Also known as my Pumpkin butt or Baby Girl. I call her both…she responds to both. Kailani is a hand full. She doesn’t sit still She has trouble focusing on one thing at a time. She’s overly hyper. She does the weirdest, craziest things sometimes and I often question her sanity. (Joking, joking)… LOL. But she is a hand full no doubt. Kailani was recently diagnosed with ADHD by her doctor based on an assessment her 2nd grade teacher took. However, during a meeting with her school staff, trained professionals didn’t feel comfortable with that diagnosis and doesn’t feel she has ADHD. They feel her short attention span, her random actions, and how she behaves is more emotional than a Chemical thing. More than ADHD. I’m lost… I’m up in the air on it, and plan to get a 2nd opinion about whose right or wrong. Does she have ADHD and the doctor is right? Does she NOT have it and the school staff is right? I pray she doesn’t. No parent wants to hear that their child has this. Any parent of an ADHD child knows it’s NOT EASY to deal with. I’ve been against medicating her because I don’t want her walking around like a zombie, the school was against it as well. I was happy they agreed with me. Her teacher – was all for the medication. Kailani is a good kid. She’s so helpful, sweet, and sensitive. She does have her moments though that almost seem like ADHD behavior , and while I hope she doesn’t have it when I do the 2nd opinion, I do my best to handle it as if she does for now. I try rewards, we do the whole rules and charts things, and for now -it seems to be working. I do the best I can with her and anything that helps her, I try. Other than that… I know when she does well on tests, or gets a good report from school, she’s so excited and proud and I encourage her to keep doing just that. So , the best I can do is keep rewarding her for good behavior, get that 2nd opinion about the ADHD and raise her to be the sweetest, most well behaved gal she can possibly be. When she is tired or hungry, she can become this little monster, and dealing with her can be tough! I’ve learned to take a deep breath, try to remain calm, close my eyes and pretend I’m on a beach somewhere with a Pina Colada in my hand. When I snap back to reality, I handle her the best way I can and try to distract her from her tantrums. LOL. While she’s this little fiery 7 year old, I have lots to write about as she makes me smile and laugh daily. Stay tuned to adventures with Kailani.
Another person you’ll (maybe) read about here and there is Ivan. He’s the father of the new baby on the way. I’ve been with Ivan on and off for a while now. I won’t talk too much about him because he and I are going through our own things right now and I won’t sit here and put him on blast either, but – it hasn’t been a walk in the park ! I love him though, and I know that if I ever need him, or he ever needs me – we’ve both always been there for each other and most likely, that will continue no matter where we stand in each other’s lives. Heck, we’re having a baby! So, I don’t know what the future holds, but I trust God.
The new baby – I was due for my “Monthly” last month on March 9th. (sorry if I get graphic). I’m usually always on time, or early. When I still didn’t have it March 10th, I wondered but I didn’t freak out… until the 11th, 12th and 13th. When the 14th came, I got something. It was very light and then stopped after about 20 minutes. I figured maybe if I took a hot shower, it would help bring out my full “monthly”. Nothing. I ended up taking a Pregnancy test, and got my BFP! (Big fat Positive). There’s a whole story behind that as well but just know my test was Positive. I wasn’t sure if I was more excited or scared at the time. I have 3 kids, and always wanted one more, but not right away. As time went by, I told Ivan and a few close friends and family. I was surprised when most people I know were extremely happy for me, or supportive. I had a few who asked how I was going to make it… and I did have a few “haters” as they’re called…maybe 2 or 3… and I cried over the whole situation thinking maybe I shouldn’t go through with the pregnancy. I’ve never had an abortion in my life and I don’t believe in them. So, it was going to be a tough decision to make. However, after talking to some awesome friends of mine, one of them told me, “Haters are like Crickets. You hear them chirping a lot… but, when you walk past them or they see you, they’re quiet”. She told me this is supposed to be a happy time and if I let anyone make it anything but that for me, I’m stupid. She was right.
I then had another friend telling me, “God doesn’t make mistakes. God knew even before you were born that at the age of 33, March 14th, 2016 – you were going to find out about this new baby”. She was right as well… God doesn’t make mistakes and I believe this new baby is right where he or she should be at the time God knew he or she would be. It made sense. I stopped worrying about what anyone said if it was negative… and started keeping around those who have been happy, or supportive from the start. I thank those people truly because without them, I may have made the biggest mistake of my life by getting rid of this child. Doing something I’ve never believed in… and I’m so happy I didn’t. Recently, I had an Ultrasound done. I saw the baby and heartbeat. I was laying back on the table when the woman started the Ultrasound and she asks, “Uh, do twins run in your family or the baby’s father’s family?”. I sat up and quickly starred at the screen like
There were 2 Yolk sacs…one baby. One heartbeat. I was told either the 2nd one without anything in it will dissolve on it’s own, or – baby 2 may have been a late implantation and will show up at my 8 week appointment. The thought of twins doesn’t appeal to me. I’m praying there’s only one kid in there, but… God makes no mistakes, right?! Oy! Should there be 2, Ivan and I shall deal. So, for right now, we have this new baby coming. I had to laugh when my doctor’s nurse called the other day, and when she found out I may be having twins, she was so excited and told me she can’t wait to see me. Um… this may be exciting for you, but heellllooo – I already have 3 kids… I’m not trying to have 5. LOL I couldn’t believe how excited she was. I’ve been going to the same OB/YN for 7 years… he’s the one who saved mine and my 7 year old’s life when she flipped herself Breech at the last minute and he made the call for Emergency C-section. I tried getting out of that one, but his words were “No way…I’m not letting this baby lose her mother and I’m not letting the mother lose her baby..we need to do this”. He’s the same doctor I have for this pregnancy. I trust him.. and the fact that one of his nurses is also his wife… is a beautiful thing. Both of them are awesome. Want to hear a funny story? When he came into my hospital room when I was told I needed to have a C-section, it was about 2 PM. He asked if I had anything to eat that day. I told him just a HONEY BUN that morning. He looked at me funny and asked what a Honey bun is?! His wife, and his other staff looked at him funny and asked if he was serious?! lmao…. they literally had to explain to him what it was. He says, “Hmmm? That sounds good. I’ll have to try one soon”. Made me giggle.
School – I would love to work hospice short term for the next few years until I graduate with my BA degree in Criminal Justice. I’ve always had a big interest in the medical field and love working with the elderly. I’ve done it in the past and would love to do it again – this time caring for those at the end of their lives. However, one needs to be certified to work in that type of Medical – and I sadly caught a bad case of Pneumonia / almost died and 2 weeks away from graduation for my certification. I have to start all over! I was hospitalized for days. I was so angry. I do plan to go back and start over. I was doing great. My teacher in that class actually told me I was one of her highest testing students. I can’t wait to go back. I also want to try to finish that certification before Fall because I want to also go back to school for Criminal Justice. My dream has always been to become a Juvenile Probation officer if not a cop. I’ve always wanted to help bad butt kids change their lives and start fresh. I believe all bad ass kids can change… that’s just me though! I don’t know if any of my dreams will work out or if God has other plans, but…he knows and his will will be done.
So … I’m a sister.You may also here about my brother Tim from time to time … I’m a sister in law so you may also hear about my brother’s wife Nikki. I’m a daughter so you’re going to hear about my parents who are getting older, and have their health issues but still holding on. I will talk about life issues, events, etc. as they happen… You’re also going to hear much about my very first niece or nephew. My brother and sister in law have a child on the way as well. How awesome is that? My brother’s kid and this kid I’m having will be able to go grow up together?! I think that’s pretty cool. You’ll hear about many things as I start this blog and get it going. Finishing my book included.
I think that’s all going on in my life at the moment. Join me. Click that follow button and come back often to visit. I write with humor and use humor to deal with certain things as well so don’t mind me… just enjoy!
-Carli- “Cookie”.
Sugarcoating not allowed!!! 